Mardi Gras belongs in New Orleans.

-I'm not your mom. Neither is anyone else who works at the bar. You know, unless a lady that works there actually gave birth to you...

-Men's restroom etiquette applies to bouncers. Don't stroll up to the urinal next to one of us and strike up a conversation. Actual conversation from this week:

"Hey, do you want me to bring my ID every week?"
"Right now all I want you to do is keep your eyes forward and stop talking."

-And yes, you need your ID every week.

-I don't care that you say its your birthday, no ID, no entry.

-Surprisingly, Facebook is NOT a valid form of ID. Who would have guessed?

-Don't go drinking with your mom on your 21st.

-And mom, if your adult daughter willingly leaves the bar with a guy, there's not really a reason to call the cops.

-It's not always a good idea to lie about the bouncer you supposedly punched out, to the bouncer you supposedly punched out. I remember you, can't you remember me? I mean, you were staring at me from the pavement...

-If a girl has a boyfriend, leave her alone. Especially if her boyfriend is a bouncer who is literally twice your size.

-Guys, it is not ok to flash your chest for beads. Just don't do it.