Fellas, this one's for you. Don't worry. I got your backs. You can enjoy some of this free information as well. So, while you're all shamelessly trying to get into that girl's pants you just met, remember these lessons. They might come in handy.
-First off, take your sunglasses off. You look like an idiot. Unless you're blind, there's no reason to wear sunglasses inside. Especially in a dark bar. At night. You look stupid. The sunglasses-on-the-top-of-your-head look works, sometimes. But only when you're first coming in from outside, or when you might actually wear them once leaving. But it gets dark at 4:30 now. There's no reason to go to a bar at 11 and still be wearing your Foakleys. Just stop.
-If you don't want people to make fun of you for being girly, then man up and order a beer. And I don't mean that chilled, carbonated monkey urine that comes in the form of a Coors Light bottle. I mean a real beer. Sam Adams, Fat Tire, Linnies, Guinness, or something like that. Do NOT continue to sip on that bright, neon blue cocktail from a bendy straw. Or, maybe, do. If you like ridicule that is.
-Next tip (and this is a big one), don't think you can take a bouncer. Especially after drinking all night. Cause you can't. For one, bouncers are tough. That's why we do what we do. Secondly, you're drunk, he's sober. His reflexes will be a lot quicker than yours. Finally, even if you are able to take out the one bouncer you feel has wronged you in some way, or that you feel you need to prove your manhood by fighting cause everyone was making fun of you for your pink daiquiri, you won't be able to take out the 4 other bouncers that will be on you in a matter of seconds. Plus there's bar backs, and even bartenders that will get in on it if they need to. And cops are NEVER far away from a crowded bar. If you try to fight a bouncer, you will lose. And if you piss him off enough, he will keep you there till the cops show up, and you will get arrested. So just have fun for the night and don't start something you can't finish.
-If you're talking to a girl, keep it simple. She's there to dance and have fun. Not hear about that one time, you did that one thing, with that one group of people. If she wants to talk, let her talk about herself. Just not your head and pretend to listen. I say pretend only because you won't hear her over the music anyway. Plus, she's going to repeat all the important stuff if you ever hang out after, cause she's probably not going to remember all she said anyway.
-If you see a girl you think is cute, yet she's traveling with a pack of other girls, and no dudes, just move on. She's more than likely there cause one of the girls in the pack is hating on boys cause of a breakup. Which means, they're all there to hate boys that night, dance with each other, and just have fun. Your chances of success are very low.
-If you're actually lucky enough to be there with a girl, make sure you give her all your attention. There's gonna be a lot of other pretty girls there. And if she catches you checking one of them out, game over. The rest of the night you'll either have to deal with an angry girl asking: "if she's so hot, why not go be with her?" Or a sad girl asking: "what does she have that I don't?" Just do yourself a favor and make her feel like she's the only girl there. Trust me. You'll be glad you did.
-Treat her with respect too. Cause there's tons of guys out there that will if you don't. And eventually, she's gonna figure that out.
That's about it. Hopefully these help make your next night out at a club or a bar better than your last.
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