Last night at work, there were more than a few things that annoyed me. Here's the big ones. They're worth listening to.
-I'm the boss of you. As is every bouncer. You can argue. But you won't win.
-I don't care if you know my bosses name. You can drop it all you want. It won't change things. If you were actually that important, I would know who you are too.
-If you've got a fake ID, don't tell me you're 20. Stick to your story.
-While we're on the subject. Don't try to make a fake MN or NY state ID. They are impossible to forge. Don't try.
-If you don't get in because of dress code, it's actually because of the dress code. Quit calling me racist.
-Guys, pulling up your shirt on the dance floor only works when you're actually built. If you've got a beer gut, don't even try.
-Ladies, Halloween comes but once a year. The naughty school girl costume is nice. On Halloween. Otherwise, you just look like a slut. I mean, you do on Halloween too, but that's different. It's expected. Halloween is basically men's payment from you ladies for Valentine's Day.
-When the lights come on at 2:15, it's time to go home. Not stand around in a big clump of humanity looking stupid.
-If you get kicked out, or if you've tried getting in once and didn't, don't try coming back in. It's just going to end badly for you.
-Don't be dumb. Take a taxi home. It also helps if you call ahead of time. If you want a cab at 2 to be waiting for you, call around 1.
-Don't try to sneak your drinks outside. If you do, and I catch you (which I probably will), I'm just going to throw it away without you being able to finish it. So, why risk it?
-I don't care who threw the first punch. Nobody does. You're both going to be kicked out. So quit whining. Just because you didn't see the other guy taken out the back door, doesn't mean he's not gone too. We just don't want to deal with you fighting more as soon as you get outside.
There's that. More to come next week. There seems to never be a lack of stupidity when alcohol is involved.
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