-If its college night, you still need your driver's license to get into a bar. Don't show up with only your school ID thinking that's all you'll need. The simple act of being in college doesn't mean you can drink. I realize that often times that's what happens, but stick to the dorm rooms like every other freshmen in the country.
-Why yes, I can tell that you reek of weed. And I will stare you down and make you paranoid about it because, A, that's funny. And B, you're an idiot.
-I really don't care about your side of the story. There was a fight. I'm kicking you out. If you really want to freak out and complain, complain to the cops. They'll be there shortly. And no, you can't come back in.
-The biggest reason I don't want people fighting in my bar? It's not because I don't want to get involved. Not because I'm scared. Not even because I want it to be a safe environment for everyone else. I hate doing paperwork. You wanna fight, sweet. Go across the street where it doesn't matter to me. If you start stuff on the bar property, I have to file a police report. And I don't like doing that.
-Are you upset about a decision I made? Yeah, there is someone you can talk to that you can complain to. Me. And I'm fairly 100% certain that there's nothing you can say that will change my mind. If you don't have good ID, or meet dress code, or any other reason I choose to not let you in, you're not getting in. Complaining to my manager won't help you. There's a reason he's put me at the door. He trusts my judgement. Plus, he's gonna back me up and tell you its my call.
-Bringing me chicken nuggets from McDonald's is a great way to get on my good side. But don't assume you'll get my number if you do. Especially if you're a dude.
-The right thing to do when you get your fake ID taken away is to politely ask for it back, I'll say no, but you may ask anyway. Then thank me for not calling the cops. If you argue or cause a scene, it'll just end up badly for you. Also, offering to buy it back from me is always the wrong answer.
-Buying a shot girl a rose is nice. But you have a better chance of seeing Bigfoot than getting her number in exchange for a wilting flower you got from a vendor.
-If I've gotta get somewhere fast and I kinda push you out of the way a little, don't shove me back. That's just dumb. I'm not gonna blast you out of the way, just move you enough for me to get by. You shove me and my attention goes right to you. You don't want that.
-Don't swing at another bouncer when I'm 2 feet away. I'll get to you before you get to him.
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